08 May 2009

I never thought I'd live in a world in which Jo-Jo Reyes's ERA was 2 runs lower than Cole Hamels's. But I do. I'm pretty sure I know why, too.

It's all thanks to this guy. ------------>

Jason Heyward can convert matter to energy with no heat loss and then get laid. In the same night.

Jason Heyward can hit a five-run home run.

Jason Heyward knows what you're thinking about. Right now. And he accepts that.

Just before the butterfly was about to flap its wings and start a tsunami on the other side of the world, Jason Heyward killed it with his bat.

Jason Heyward beat Deep Blue in chess during a rain delay. Then, between innings, Phil Hellmuth and Phil Ivey in poker.

Jason Heyward knows something you don't know. Jason Heyward isn't left-handed.

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