Written by Paddy McMahon | 16 September 2011

Mets 12 (72-79), Braves 2 (86-65)

W: Chris Capuano
L: Derek Lowe, obviously

Things that happened in this game:

• Derek Lowe gave up nine hits, walked a batter and struck out a pair en route to allowing six runs in two-and-a-third innings pitched. He also sweated.
• Julio Teheran, despite being functionally the opposite of Derek Lowe, fared nearly as poorly: two-and-two-thirds IP, four hits, four runs, two walks, two strikeouts. 
• Braves pitchers threw 202 pitches on the night. 
• The Braves had six hits as a team. If you picked any two of Jose Reyes, David Wright, Lucas Duda, Nick Evans or Josh Thole, you'd get at least six hits.
• Eric Hinske went up to the plate with a beer coozie on his bat. He lined out.
• Dan Uggla's dip became sentient. Understandably distracted, Uggla went oh-fer.
• Michael Bourn tripled and stole a base. 

I'm not actually sure that Lowe was sweaty, since it was a chilly night in the ATL and I didn't get home until Lowe had already been mercifully taken to the clubhouse and put down, but take my word from it as someone who, like any Braves fan, completely and utterly checked out of that game. That's information you can rely on.

I don't know, though, what else do you want to hear? The Braves, for the second time this season, couldn't get a bat on sub-90s heat and a loopy slider. The quartet of Miguel Batista, Tim Byrdak, "Josh" Stinson (if that is in fact his name) and Ryota Igarashi held the Braves hitless for the last four innings of the game, and didn't look particularly troubled in so doing. Teheran and fellow heralded rookie Arodys Vizcaino were ineffective, Scott Linebrink did Scott Linebrink things, and it took Anthony Varvaro to "stop" the bleeding and allow a run on three hits in two innings. 

With the exception of a dazzling play by Alex Gonzalez, who ranged impossibly far to his left, snared a grounder and threw out Jason Bay by way of a jumping throw and a Freddie Freeman teabag of the first base dirt, this was an ugly, ugly game. And not just because of Uggla's dip assaulting the bat boys and telling a woman that she didn't need that hot dog she was eating.

If you didn't subject yourself to watching this game, just know that my version of tonight's events is far better than whatever actually happened on the field. So, ok, whatever: tomorrow! 4:10 EDT is the time, R.A. Dickey (who must be steamed that he wasn't pitching on Star Wars night at Turner Field) will take the mound opposite Tim Hudson. My prediction: blood. Because I don't think the grounds crew wrangled up that dip yet.